Martha Stewart's Jailbird Chili

This slow-carb diet does have it's advantages. For one, it allows me to eat as much chili as I want! Chili has all the ingredients that I am supposed to eat (protein, vegetables and legumes in spades) and none of the bad stuff (breads, rice, sugars.)

Luckily, I have an exceptional chili recipe. In fact, this particular recipe made me the champion of the 2011 St. Thomas School of Law Chili Cook-Off! The name is a little misleading* but the chili is exquisite. Here is how you make it:

Ingredients:
-1 lbs ground beef,
-1 lbs ground italian sauasage
-1 lbs stew beef
- 3 slices bacon, crumbled
-1 large onion, diced
-2 cans crushed tomatoes
- 1 can tomato paste
- 4 cans chili beans in spicy sauce
- 1 red bell pepper, seeded and diced
-1 green bell pepper, seeded and diced
-2 green chili peppers, seeded and diced
- 2 cans corn (not on the slow-carb diet, but a delicious addition if you can do it.)
- 4 cubes beef boulion
-1/2 cup beer (I use PBR because I'm classy)
- 1/4 cup chili powder
-1 table spoon Worcester sauce
- 3 gloves pressed garlic
- 1 tablespoon dried oregano
- 2 teaspoons ground cumin
- 2 teaspoons tobasco
- 1 teaspoon dried basil
-1 teaspoon paprika
- 1 teaspoon white sugar

Directions:
-Brown all the meat and make sure it is cooked through
- After you do that, throw all that stuff into a slow cooker on low and let it sit for like 4 hours, it'll be amazing once it's done.
- If you want (though my diet doesn't allow it) you can put some cheese, oyster crackers and sour cream into the stuff. It'll taste like angels.




*Despite the name, Martha Stewart's Jailbird Chili, Martha Stewart has nothing to do with this recipe. Instead, like most of my recipes, it is a recipe from AllRecipes.com that I've taken some liberties with. So why did I name it after everyone's favorite criminal crafter? Well, in my last year of law school I actually had an office in the building. It was located right off the entrance from the skyway, and most of the time, I was the first official looking office one would see when they entered the building. Apparently, a lot of people thought that I was some sort of official greeter for the school.  Sometimes, people would come into my office to ask questions or complain, as if I had any idea how to handle these queries. On the day before the chili cook-off, St. Thomas held a lecture series on white collar crime that was titled something to the effect of "From Martha Stewart to Bernie Madoff: the Effect of White Collar Criminals." Well, one woman took exception to St. Thomas calling Ms. Stewart a criminal (apparently having been convicted of a crime is no longer enough to justify such a designation.) 

She railed on me for about 10 minutes, telling me how Stewart was just the victim of a witch hunt and the only reason anyone cared was because our society hates to see a woman in power. I thought about cutting her off and telling her that I had nothing to do with the presentation, nor do I have any control over the school, but as she kept yelling at me it became more and more obvious that she was mentally unbalanced, and she became more and more entertaining. At one point in her ranting, she mentioned that she would attend the chili cook-off the following day. So, having already agreed to provide an entry into the competition, I decided I would name my entry something designed to make this crazy woman go off and make a scene. Unfortunately, the next day she did not show up at the competition and I was quite disappointed. However, winning first place out of about 30 entries more than made up for it.